I wanna bring you to show and tell
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
