He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
