Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
