I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
