btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
