Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
