Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
