hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize