My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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