i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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