Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
