morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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