I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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