Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
