He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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