I just made out with a guy for $7.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
