is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
