Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize