There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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