it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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