I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
