I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
