I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
