she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
