I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
