ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
