gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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