How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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