apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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