i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
