im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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