In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
