I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
