There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
time to smoke my breakfast
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
