ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
