can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you win again, gameday.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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