Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize