all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
