he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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