Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
