I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
