watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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