I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
