I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
