Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
