So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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