yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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