Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
