Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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