Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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