Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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