i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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