MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
