it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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