we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
