yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
