Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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