I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
