I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
