At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
