Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
