Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
