My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize