I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
