is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
