He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
