I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This baby is an asshole
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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