Who did Billy Mays play for?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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