I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
ok first of all what the fuck
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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