I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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